[33,60] οὐχ οὕτω φημὶ τοῦτ´ εἶναι τὸ τέρας δεινὸν οὐδ´ ἀποτρόπαιον, ὡς ὅταν ἀνήρ τις ὢν καὶ τὸν χαρακτῆρα ἔχων τὸν αὐτὸν καὶ τὴν φωνὴν τὴν ἑαυτοῦ, καὶ τὰ σημεῖα τῆς φύσεως μὴ δυνάμενος ἀνελεῖν, μηδ´ ἂν ἅπαντα ποιῇ περιστέλλων, καθάπερ φώρια κλέπτης, ὑπ´ Ἐρινύων τινῶν τυπτόμενος καὶ διαστρεφόμενος καὶ πάντα τρόπον διακλώμενος πάντα βούληται ποιεῖν καὶ μηδὲν ὡς πέφυκε· κἄπειτα Πρωτέως τινὸς δίκην ἀλλάττων καὶ μετατιθεὶς αὑτὸν ἐξεύρῃ φωνὴν ἀφιέναι μήτε ἀνδρὸς μήτε γυναικὸς μήτε ἄλλου τινὸς ζῴου {μιαρὰν καὶ ἀνδρόγυνον} μιμούμενος μηδὲ χαμαιτύπην αὐτὸ τοῦτο χαμαιτυποῦσαν, ἀλλὰ τὸ τοῦ αἰσχίστου ἔργου καὶ τῆς ἀσελγεστάτης πράξεως ὥσπερ ἂν φθεγγόμενος, καὶ ταῦτα μεθ´ ἡμέραν ἐκφανοῦς ὄντος ἡλίου πολλῶν παρόντων. οὐχ οὕτω δεινὸν ἦν τὸ τὰς βύρσας τῶν βοῶν ἕρπειν οὐδὲ τὸ μυκᾶσθαι τὰ κρέα. (61) ποῖος οὖν Ὅμηρος ἢ τίς Ἀρχίλοχος ἰσχύει τὰ κακὰ ταῦτα ἐξᾷσαι; δοκεῖ γὰρ ἔμοιγε νὴ τὸν Ἡρακλέα γενναίου τινὸς καὶ τραγικοῦ δεῖσθαι ποιητοῦ τὸ τῶν ἀνθρώπων, ὅστις δυνήσεται κατασχεῖν καὶ ἀνακόψαι τοσαύτην φοράν· ὡς ἤδη μανίᾳ τὸ γιγνόμενον (62) ἔοικεν αἰσχρᾷ καὶ ἀπρεπεῖ καὶ τοῦτο τὸ νόσημα {τῆς ἀπρεπείας καὶ ἀναισχυντίας} κύκλῳ περιιὸν ὑμᾶς ἐπὶ πάντα ἄγει τὸ λοιπὸν καὶ ἔργα καὶ φωνὰς καὶ σχήματα καὶ παντὸς ἅπτεται καὶ καθικνεῖται μέρους, ποδῶν, χειρῶν, ὀμμάτων, γλώττης. οὔκουν ἡμῶν ὄφελος οὐδὲν οὐδὲ τῆς ἀνειμένης ταύτης καὶ ἀσθενοῦς παραμυθίας, ἀλλὰ μᾶλλον Στέντορός τινος χρεία φθεγγομένου χάλκεον ἢ σιδήρεον, ὃς ἐμοῦ βοήσεται μεῖζον καὶ σαφέστερον. ὁρᾶτε γὰρ οἷ πρόεισιν. (63) γενείων τὸ πρῶτον εὑρέθη κουρά, καὶ τοῦτο ἐδόκει μέτριον, τὸ μὴ σφόδρα καθεικέναι, μηδ´ ἐπὶ πλέον, ἀλλὰ πρᾴως ἐπανορθοῦν τὴν φύσιν. οὐκοῦν ὁ τοιοῦτος ἐδόκει πολλοῖς ἐπιδέξιος. εἶτα ἐξύρων μέχρι τῶν παρειῶν· οὐδὲ τοῦτό πω δεινόν· ἀλλ´ ὅμως ὁ κωμικὸς καὶ τοῦτον ἐκέλευσε κατακάειν ἐπὶ φαλήτων συκίνων ἑκκαίδεκα. πλὴν εἶχον εὐειδῆ τὰ πρόσωπα καὶ παιδικὰ παρ´ ἡλικίαν τῆς λάχνης ταύτης ἀπηλλαγμένα, εἶτα, τοῦτο λοιπὸν ἔτι, τὰ σκέλη καὶ τὸ στέρνον, ἵνα καὶ τἄλλα ὅμοιοι παισὶν ὦμεν. εἶτα μέχρι τῶν βραχιόνων, εἶτα ἐπὶ τὰ αἰδοῖα μεταβάν, ᾗ καὶ τὸ ἡβᾶν δοκεῖ περιττόν, σκώπτεται δὴ καὶ καταγελᾶται παρὰ τοῖς σοφοῖς καὶ νέοις ἡ τῆς φύσεως τέχνη, καθάπερ ἀρχαία τις οὖσα καὶ σφόδρα εὐήθης, (64) ἀχρεῖα καὶ περιττὰ προσθεῖσα τῷ σώματι. τί γὰρ ὑμῖν ὀνύχων ἔδει, τί δὲ τριχῶν; ἀλλ´ οὐδὲ χειρῶν ἴσως οὐδὲ ποδῶν. αἰδοῖα μόνον ὑμᾶς ἔδει ποιῆσαι καὶ γαστέρας καὶ τροφὴν παραθεῖναι καὶ τἄλλα, ὧν ἔστιν ἀπολαύειν. {τοιγαροῦν αὐτοὶ περικόπτομεν ἑαυτούς, καὶ τὰ μὲν γένεια καὶ τὴν ἥβην ἀφαιροῦμεν, ἃ τῶν ἀνδρῶν ἴδιά ἐστιν·} εἰ δὲ ἦν δυνατὸν παρὰ τῶν γυναικῶν προσλαβεῖν τὰ ἕτερα, δῆλον ὅτι παντελῶς τότ´ ἂν ἦμεν εὐδαίμονες, οὐ καθάπερ νῦν ἐνδεεῖς ὄντες, ἀλλ´ ὁλόκληροί τινες καὶ κατὰ φύσιν ἀνδρόγυνοι.

[33,60] Not so terrible, in my opinion, nor so abominable was that portent as when someone who is a male and retains a male's distinctive marks and his proper speech—being incapable of eradicating also the marks of Nature, even though he makes every effort to hide them from the world, just as the thief hides stolen goods—being smitten by Furies and perverted and in every way made effeminate, is ready to do anything at all, but nothing in accord with his own nature. And then, 'some Proteus like,' in the course of his changes and bodily transformations he discovers how to emit a sound belonging to neither man nor woman nor to any other creature, not even patterning after a harlot in the practice of her calling but rather, it would seem, producing such a sound as he would make if engaged in the most shameful action, the most licentious conduct, and, what is more, in the light of day, under the rays of the sun, and in the presence of many. Not so terrible a portent was it when the bides of cattle crawled and their flesh bellowed. What Homer, then, or what Archilochus has the power to exorcize these evil doings ? For it seems to me, by Heracles, that a noble and tragic kind of poet is needed by the conduct of these men, one who will be able to check and repel so mighty a surge of evil; since what is taking place already is like a madness that is disgraceful and unseemly. And this plague of impropriety and shamelessness, as it goes on its rounds among you, is already leading to every sort of deed and cry and posture, and attacking and invading every portion of your bodies — feet, hands, eyes, and tongue. Therefore, I can do no good at all, nor can this easy-going, feeble exhortation to which you have listened ; no, a Stentor is required with throat of bronze or iron, who will be able to shout more loudly and more clearly than I can. For consider the progress of the malady. The first innovation consisted in trimming the beard; and this was looked upon as moderate enough, merely not to let it grow too long, and nothing more, but just to make a slight improvement upon Nature. Well then, the man so trimmed was thought by many to look smart. The next step was to shave as far as the cheeks; and even that was nothing terrible; and yet the comic poet did bid that even such a man be burned "Upon a heap of sixteen fig-wood phalluses". However, they did have faces that were comely and boyish beyond their years when rid of that down. Next—since this was still to try—they shaved the legs and chest, to insure that in all other respects as well they might resemble boys. Then they progressed as far as the arms ; then shifted to the genitals, where evidence of youthful vigour is indeed superfluous. Thus ridicule and scorn are being showered by the clever younger set upon the artistry of Nature as being something out of date and extremely foolish, seeing that she has attached to the body things that are useless and superfluous. For instance, what need had you of nails and hair ? No, not even of hands, perhaps, or feet. All that Nature had to do for you was to create genitals and bellies and to supply food and the other things from which one may derive enjoyment. That is why we trim ourselves and remove from our chins and private parts the hair which is distinctive of the full-grown male. And, if it were possible to borrow from the female certain other attributes, clearly then we should be supremely happy, not defective as at present, but whole beings and natural — epicenes!