[11,20] οἷον ὁ Ζεὺς τεθυμωμένος τῇ Ἥρᾳ διὰ τὴν ἀπάτην καὶ τὴν ἧτταν τῶν Τρώων, καὶ πρότερον Ἥρα πρὸς τὴν Ἀφροδίτην, παρακαλοῦσα φαρμάξαι τὸν πατέρα καὶ δοῦναι τὸ φίλτρον αὐτῇ, τὸν κεστὸν ἱμάντα, ὡς εἰκός, ἐν ἀπορρήτῳ τοῦτο ἀξιοῦσα. οὐδὲ γὰρ τῶν ἀνθρώπων εἰκὸς ἄλλον τινὰ εἰδέναι τὰ τοιαῦτα, ἀνδρὸς καὶ γυναικὸς διαφερομένων καὶ λοιδορούντων ἐνίοτε ἀλλήλους. καὶ τὸν Ὀδυσσέα πεποίηκεν ἐπανορθούμενον τὸ τοιοῦτο, μὴ δόξῃ ἀλαζὼν διηγούμενος τοὺς παρὰ τοῖς θεοῖς γενομένους ὑπὲρ αὑτοῦ λόγους. ἔφη γὰρ ἀκοῦσαι τῆς Καλυψοῦς, ἐκείνην δὲ παρά του πυθέσθαι· περὶ αὑτοῦ δὲ οὐδὲν τοιοῦτον εἴρηκεν ὅτι πύθοιτο παρὰ θεοῦ τινος. (21) οὕτω πάνυ κατεφρόνει τῶν ἀνθρώπων, καὶ οὐθὲν αὐτῷ ἔμελεν, εἰ δόξει μηθὲν λέγειν ἀληθές. οὐ γὰρ δὴ πείσειν γε ἐνόμιζέ τινα ὡς ἐπίσταιτο τοὺς παρὰ τοῖς θεοῖς γενομένους {ὑπὲρ αὑτοῦ} λόγους. {ἔφη γὰρ ἀκοῦσαι ἅπαντα καὶ τοὺς πολλοὺς ἔπεισε.} διηγεῖται δὲ καὶ τὴν συνουσίαν τὴν τοῦ Διὸς πρὸς τὴν Ἥραν ἐν τῇ Ἴδῃ γενομένην καὶ τοὺς λόγους οὓς εἶπε πρὸ τῆς συνουσίας, ὡς αὐτὸς ἑωρακώς τε καὶ ἀκηκοώς, καὶ οὐδὲν αὐτὸν ἐκώλυσεν, ὡς ἔοικε, τὸ νέφος, ὃ περιεκάλυψεν ὁ Ζεὺς τοῦ μὴ φανερὸς γενέσθαι. (22a) τούτοις δὲ ἐπέθηκε τὸν κολοφῶνα σχεδόν· ἵνα γὰρ μὴ ἀπορῶμεν ὅπως ξυνίει τῶν θεῶν, οὕτως διαλέγεται ἡμῖν σχεδὸν ὡς ἔμπειρος τῆς τῶν θεῶν γλώττης, καὶ ὅτι οὐχ ἡ αὐτή ἐστι τῇ ἡμετέρᾳ οὐδὲ τὰ αὐτὰ ὀνόματα ἐφ´ ἑκάστῳ λέγουσιν ἅπερ καὶ ἡμεῖς. ἐνδείκνυται δὲ ταῦτα ἐπὶ ὀρνέου τινός, ὅ φησι τοὺς μὲν θεοὺς χαλκίδα καλεῖν, τοὺς δὲ ἀνθρώπους κύμινδιν, καὶ ἐπὶ τόπου τινὸς πρὸ τῆς πόλεως, ὃν τοὺς μὲν ἀνθρώπους Βατίειαν ὀνο μάζειν, τοὺς δὲ θεοὺς Σῆμα (23a) Μυρίνης. περὶ δὲ τοῦ ποταμοῦ φράσας ἡμῖν ὅτι οὐ Σκάμανδρος ἀλλὰ Ξάνθος λέγοιτο παρὰ τοῖς θεοῖς, αὐτὸς οὕτως ἤδη ἐν τοῖς ἔπεσιν ὀνομάζει, ὡς οὐ μόνον ἐξὸν αὐτῷ τὰς ἄλλας γλώττας μιγνύειν τὰς τῶν Ἑλλήνων, καὶ ποτὲ μὲν αἰολίζειν, ποτὲ δὲ δωρίζειν, ποτὲ δὲ ἰάζειν, ἀλλὰ καὶ διαστὶ διαλέγεσθαι. ταῦτα δέ μοι εἴρηται, ὥσπερ δὴ ἔφην, οὐ κατηγορίας ἕνεκεν, ἀλλ´ ὅτι ἀνδρειότατος ἀνθρώπων ἦν πρὸς τὸ ψεῦδος Ὅμηρος καὶ οὐθὲν ἧττον ἐθάρρει καὶ ἐσεμνύνετο ἐπὶ τῷ ψεύδεσθαι ἢ (24a) τῷ τἀληθῆ λέγειν. οὕτω μὲν γὰρ σκοποῦσι πάνυ σμικρὰ καὶ ὀλίγου ἄξια φαίνεται, ἃ ἐγώ φημι αὐτὸν ἐψεῦσθαι. τῷ γὰρ ὄντι ἀνθρώπινα ψεύσματα καὶ λίαν πιθανὰ πρὸς θείαν καὶ ἀμήχανον φύσιν. πέρας δὴ ἐπιτέθεικεν· ὥσπερ (22b) γὰρ τοῖς βαρβάροις διαλέγονται οἱ δίγλωττοι καλούμενοι καὶ ἑρμηνεύοντες αὐτοῖς τὰ παρ´ ἡμῶν, οὕτως Ὅμηρος ἡμῖν διαλέγεται, τὰ παρὰ τῶν θεῶν ἑρμηνεύων, ὥσπερ ἐπιστάμενος τὴν θείαν διάλεκτον· πρῶτον μὲν ὅτι οὐχ ἡ αὐτή ἐστι τῇ ἡμετέρᾳ οὐδὲ τὰ αὐτὰ παρά τε ἡμῖν καὶ παρ´ ἐκείνοις ὀνόματα, ἔπειτα ἐξηγούμενος περί τινων, ὅπως οἱ θεοὶ νομίζουσιν, οἷον ὅτι τὴν χαλκίδα κύμινδιν οἱ θεοὶ καλοῦσι· τόπον δέ τινα πρὸ τῆς πόλεως, Βατίειαν ὀνομαζόμενον σῆμα Μυρίνης. (23) τὸ δὲ μῶλυ εἰπὼν ὅπως οἱ θεοὶ λέγουσιν, οὐκέτι προστίθησι τὸ παρὰ τοῖς ἀνθρώποις ὄνομα· καὶ τὸν ποταμὸν εἰπὼν ὅτι οὐ Σκάμανδρος ἀλλὰ Ξάνθος ὀνομάζοιτο παρ´ αὐτοῖς, οὕτως ἤδη ἐν τοῖς ἔπεσι χρῆται, ὡς ἐξὸν αὐτῷ, μὴ μόνον τὰς τῶν Ἑλλήνων φωνὰς μιγνύειν, μηδὲ τοῖς σφόδρα ἀρχαίοις μόνον, ἀλλὰ καὶ τοῖς δαιμονίοις χρῆσθαι ὀνόμασι, καὶ ποτὲ μὲν αἰολίζοντα ποτὲ δὲ δωρίζοντα, πάλιν δὲ ἰάζοντα διαλέγεσθαι, {καθάπερ οἶμαι θετταλίζοντα ἢ κρητίζοντα, οἱονεὶ τὴν ἀγορὰν ἐκάλει λιμένα, (24) Θετταλῶν ἀκούσας.} ταῦτα δέ μοι εἴρηται, ὥσπερ ἤδη ἔφην, οὐ κατηγορίας ἕνεκεν, ἀλλ´ ὅτι ἀνδρειότατος ἦν ἀνθρώπων πρὸς τὸ ψεῦδος Ὅμηρος καὶ οὐχ ἧττον ἐθάρρει καὶ ἐσεμνύνετο ἐπὶ τῷ ψεύδεσθαι ἢ τῷ τἀληθῆ λέγειν. οὕτω γὰρ σκοποῦσιν οὐδὲν ἔτι φαίνεται παράδοξον οὐδὲ ἄπιστον τῶν ὑπ´ ἐμοῦ δεικνυμένων, ἀλλὰ σμικρὰ καὶ ἀνθρώπεια ψεύσματα πρὸς θεῖα καὶ μεγάλα. ἐπιχειρήσας γὰρ τὸν πόλεμον εἰπεῖν τὸν γενόμενον τοῖς Ἀχαιοῖς πρὸς τοὺς Τρῶας, οὐκ εὐθὺς ἤρξατο ἀπὸ τῆς ἀρχῆς, ἀλλ´ ὅθεν ἔτυχεν· ὃ ποιοῦσι πάντες οἱ ψευδόμενοι σχεδόν, ἐμπλέκοντες καὶ περιπλέκοντες καὶ οὐθὲν βουλόμενοι λέγειν ἐφεξῆς· ἧττον γὰρ κατάδηλοί εἰσιν· εἰ δὲ μή, ὑπ´ αὐτοῦ τοῦ πράγματος ἐξελέγχονται.

[11,20] as, for instance, when Zeus was angered at Hera for deceiving him and bringing on the defeat of the Trojans, or that previous conversation which she had with Aphrodite, in which she urged her to drug her father and lend her the love charm, to wit, the embroidered girdle —a request which she presumably made in secret. For it is unlikely even in human affairs that any outsider knows of those occasional scenes where husbands and wives fall out and abuse one another. Yet Homer has a passage in which Odysseus puts this matter properly so as not to seem a mere impostor, namely, where he tells of the debates which the gods held concerning him. For he says that he heard these debates from Calypso and that she had learned of them from someone else ; but about himself Homer has made no such claim of having received his information from some god. Such utter contempt did Homer show for men, and not a whit did he care if all his statements were regarded as false. For of course he did not imagine that he would convince anyone that he knew {of his own knowledge about} the debates among the gods. He tells also of the dalliance of Zeus and Hera that occurred on Mount Ida, and what words Zeus spoke before the meeting, as though he had personally seen and heard, and apparently no obstacle was presented by the cloud in which Zeus had wrapped himself to escape being seen. (22) And to all this Homer has just about added the finishing touch. For, not to keep us in doubt as to how he came to understand the gods, he talks to us almost as though he were acquainted with their language, tells us that it was not the same as ours, and that they do not apply the same names to the various things as we do. He draws attention to this in the case of a bird, which he says the gods call chalkis and men kymindis, and in the case of a place before Troy which men call Batieia, but the gods call the Sema Myrines. And after telling us that the river is called not Scamander but Xanthus by the gods, Homer himself proceeds to call it by this latter name in his verses, as though it were his privilege not only to mix the various dialectic forms of the Greeks freely, using now an Aeolic, now a Dorian, and now an Ionic form, but to employ even the Zeus dialect in the bargain. I have spoken in this way just as I have said, not by way of criticism, but because Homer was the boldest liar in existence and showed no less assurance and pride in his lying than in telling the truth. Thus regarded, none of my statements seems strange and incredible any longer ; nay, they appear as but insignificant human falsehoods in comparison with great superhuman ones. For when Homer undertook to describe the war between the Achaeans and the Trojans, he did not start at the very beginning, but at haphazard; and this is the regular way with practically all who distort the truth; they entangle the story and make it involved and refuse to tell anything in sequence, thus escaping detection more readily. Otherwise they are convicted by the very subject-matter.